02.20.2021 - week 93
So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. –2 Tim. 2:22
one time this guy i worked with told me with a straight face that ‘a man should see his future wife like she’s his sister until the day they get married’
read that sentence three times and try to imagine how weird that sounds. A magical moment somehow arrives where you're platonic sibling morphs into your future lover?
in recent months, there has been lots of talk on the internet about ‘purity culture.’ like many conversations, there are a variety of definitions, but i generally understand this phrase to reflect the ‘true love waits’ campaign + ‘i kissed dating goodbye’ books + pro-quasi arranged marriage movements all popular with conservative christians in the mid-late 1990’s. the desire to provide a counter balance to the raging of the sexual revolution pushed youth pastors + parents to create ‘purity ceremonies’ where teens promised to ‘save themselves’ sexually until marriage.
the underlying motives were very good. the bible teaches that sex is reserved for a couple inside marriage. whenever we step outside god’s laws we find consequence and pain. these movements were trying to persuade young christians to think a better way and save themselves from heartache. but they did so by pushing a stay away and hide from it all strategy. if you are never alone, you will never be tempted. if you never have the chance, you will never make a bad choice. and if you do, no one will want you anymore … (if you don’t believe me .. youtube search ‘jesus wants the rose’)
but like so often happens, as we tried to solve a problem as a culture, we helped create/perpetuate a different problem.
a bright red line was drawn that made young people feel like jesus message was virgin = good / non-virgin = bad
with average age of marriage shifting older + older, a decade or two of being told your sexuality was something to put away and run from combined with a promise of mind blowing hollywood style fulfillment on a magical honeymoon created an expectation that lots of people found couldn’t be fulfilled and produced disillusionment
the good hearted desire for fathers to be protective of daughters morphed into the ‘standing there with a shotgun when a boy’s car pulls in to the driveway’ vibe that treats young women as helpless instead of propelling them into strength
because our sinful hearts push us toward religion over relationship, attitudes + stigma to people who failed abounded in the gossip channels of christian church/college leaving some with a lot of church hurt.
i know i just said a lot of things. and you may only partially agree or have not experienced them. here’s my point. in my humble experience + opinion, this verse says it perfectly as it pertains to young people and sexuality …
behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves. - matthew 10.16
to be wise is to be prudent + knowledgable + sensible
to be innocent is to be unstained + pure.
to be naive is to not have adequate knowledge to see what’s unfolding around you. a lot of abuse sources in taking advantage of naive people.
to be wise to is to know enough to know better.
to be innocent is to not have the consequences of seeing too much.
we should aspire to a culture of wise + innocent children
but not naive ones.
so let’s be willing to tell the next generation the truth about our sexualized culture. let’s tell them god’s standard and god’s plan for them. let’s not meet the culture idolization of sex with a weird christian version of the same idol. let’s teach holiness. but let’s also strip out any non-biblical cultural elements to our christianity. let’s teach kids the boundaries they need to avoid abuse. let’s not kid ourselves that the agendas surrounding sexuality + gender will inevitably find them. let’s help them stand on their own two feet so that they can have the maximum amount of both WISDOM + INNOCENCE.
let’s protect them by teaching them to protect themselves.
let’s take the good from the past and what we have learned to keep going forward and getting better … that’s good news.
KG Korner
(a few wise words from lady kristen macdonald)
Don’t forget…
I say these words about 36 times every morning. With the boys in school they have to remember their lanyard, their charged chromebook, their glasses, their snow gear, their mask and their homework. It feels like a broken record but there’s the fine line of building responsibility and helping them best be prepared to succeed each day during in-person learning.
A year ago we were all in full-stop ‘normal’ mode. We weren’t taking our temperatures, we were sending our kids to school and going to work and we had a plan and rhythm to our lives. Luke and I were looking forward to a whole month ahead of visitors scheduled to get to some sunshine and then life as we knew it came to a screeching halt.
I’ve shared in the past about the theme of remembering in the Old Testament which is referred to again and again. As I read it this morning afresh I felt prompted that it was important to look back upon this year full of grief and uncertainty and un-precedented-ness (I made up this word :) and NOT FORGET what God has done and how he has provided everything you have needed.
Psalm 105:5 says, “Remember the wondrous works that he has done, his miracles and the judgements he uttered.”
Maybe your business was one that multiplied this year and there was more work for you than you have had in years.
Maybe your business has struggled and through the difficulty you have been reminded of how God has been with you on the hardest days.
Maybe you have struggled financially but through your church, you haven’t missed a meal. Maybe government stimulus was provided right when you needed it.
Maybe you have gotten to share the love of Christ through giving out of your abundance.
Maybe you got more time with your family than you could have anticipated and because of that those relationships are at a better place than they have ever been.
Maybe the realities of quarantine have intensified and brought pain and difficulty in your relationships, but it has caused you to deepen your relationship with Jesus.
Maybe you have had to battle COVID and God has seen you through.
Maybe you have had to take care of your loved ones and the difficulty of it has brought you to your knees.
I don’t think this call to Remember sounds like a nagging mother before school. Instead I think it’s an encouragement to not forget all God has done. We have the responsibility to share with the next generation how God has provided and how in difficulty they can trust the Lord because his promises will stand. I woke up yesterday with this hymn on my heart and I feel like these two verses are so applicable: ‘Jesus, Jesus how I trust Him! How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er; Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus! Oh, for grace to trust Him more! I’m so glad I learned to trust Him, Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend; And I know that He is with me, Will be with me to the end.” (a beautiful version here)
#cupofleadership
i talked to someone this week who said …
‘pastor, i’m in so much emotional pain i feel like i can’t breathe’
just a little reminder..
pain is not evidence that you are weak or bad or sinning.
pain is a message to you, from you, about how you are really doing.
like a baby crying in the middle of the night for the 37th day in a row, we often want to make it stop more than we want understand why its hurting to try and heal and mend.
don’t fall into the trap of feeling bad … push the energy into sourcing and healing the trauma
book review
the diana chronicles - tina brown
over the week of thanksgiving i got sucked in to the crown season 4. like many, i find something perpetually riveting about the fairy tale gone awry of the charles + diana story. interested in more, this book is commonly mentioned as the most exhaustive + fair of any written about princess diana spencer’s fascinating life + tragic death. i moved through it slowly, just a few pages at a time over the last few months.
more than anything, i left feeling a sorrow for the lack of respect our society pays to marriage vows. both the prince + princess accepted infidelity on some level, they just didn’t want it to be flaunted or in the tabloids. both accepted a lack of emotional intimacy with their partner as part of inevitable reality. all the seeds were planted 25 years ago for why diana’s sons have tried to live up to (william) and tried to run away from (harry) the necessary yet preposterous media cycle around the royal family
the book is well sourced, doesn’t fall prey to the easy misogyny of ‘blame the woman,’ yet paints diana in 3-D for her gifts of public compassion and private lack of self-control. if you are intrigued by their chapter in royal history, this book is worth the time.
stuff for you to click on
we made a playlist for morning devotional time … it has good vibes for helping get the day moving in the word + prayer
we are working toward a multi-racial church, this article paints some helpful realities and cautions.