02.07.2021 - week 91
comparison is the thief of joy
- teddy roosevelt
when i was a teenager, my friend kip + i spent a few summers working at our church’s camp in michigan. one day we stumbled on a little makeshift general store, set up for the migrant workers tending fields for the season. for a reason i don’t totally remember, we wandered in and noticed a man and woman w a flattop grill making tacos. i promise you to this day, nothing i have tasted has ever seemed better at the time. we ate like 6 carne asada each and promised ourselves we would come back the next day. for that little momentary time, it was the BEST thing in our lives.
but then in my late 20’s when hipster tacos kinda took over the food scene for a while, i became obsessed with this place called velvet taco and the shrimp + grits taco. i even remember that it was #9 on the menu board. i had dreams about this taco. the crunch of the shrimp, the soft corn shell, the creamy / cheesy grits texture/taste. oh man. one time, i even preached about it for like 10 minutes at an event down the street and then was furious when the line was out of the door of people waiting to try one. for that little momentary season, it was the BEST.
in its own way, yelp kinda ruined everything about traveling. in the dark ages (creation til like 2012), you could wander from your hotel on a trip and find a place that looked interesting. sometimes it was really good and sometimes you ate a mediocre burger. since the over-efficient-izing of everything took over, every meal when you travel begins to feel like a gauntlet of pressure to find every coffee shop + lunch stop + famous hole-in-wall that guy fieri has blessed with a stamp of greatness. the delight of discovery is muted by endless awareness of how many other really good options there are.
what i’m trying to say is that i think superlatives foment jealousy and comparison. they are fruit of a culture too organized around competition and not enough around community.
‘my wife is the hottest woman in this state’ — overeager young husband
‘my son is the best 3 pt shooter in the county’ — sports mom
‘her cookies are the tastiest at the farmers market’ — overexcited guy
‘this is the most generous and most loving and most exciting church since pentecost’ — insta pastor
when we tie affirmation of a talent or a character trait to its place in a hierarchy with others, we are pre-setting a tension. i loved both taco places. i also love a place called phanny’s in torrance, california and a place called mago in the chi suburbs and if i’m feeling depraved enough, i can enjoy a late night taco bell binge.
why does deciding which of those is better help anything? the enjoyment has to do with context and companionship and all kinds of experiential circumstances
if your wife is beautiful to you, she can still be beautiful as she ages. but if every new crop of 22 yr olds is to be compared against her status as ‘hottest’ (which i mean, idk feels like that word probably gets canceled soon, yeah?) she can’t help but become confused and resentful as her place in the hierarchy inevitably falls. no matter how hard you try to re-assure her, if her acceptance was framed in comparison, she can’t help but be eventually surpassed.
when a young athlete who is best in their school moves into a bigger pond in high school or college, if their threshold of success is ‘best’ rather than ‘good’ they can only be successful if they are able to stay at the top of the heap. rather than comparing against themselves or their best, they are comparing against some arbitrary and unattainable perfection.
what if we think less about superlatives and more about possession ..
palatine, illinois doesn’t have to be the best hometown, but it’s mine and i love it.
carter macdonald isn’t the best 12 year old basketball player in illinois, but he’s the one i like to watch a lot. there’s been a lot of snow lately in chicago, but if there was more this same weekend in 2011 that doesn’t change the feeling of lots to shovel. bobby + dan are great friends, but they aren’t better or worse than dean + ross were back then. they are who i have right now.
when we live life oriented around comparison and superlatives we can’t help but be unhappy.
it reminds me of what paul says in 2 Corinthians 10:
Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding. But we will not boast beyond limits, but will boast only with regard to the area of influence God assigned to us, to reach even to you.
KG Korner
(a few wise words from lady kristen macdonald)
Let not steadfast love & faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor & good success in the sight of God and man.” Proverbs 3:3+4
Why are steadfast love and faithfulness the characteristics that are so important? That’s the question that went swirling in my mind as I read and pondered these verses. What I found was super helpful.
Steadfast love in this verse is talking about mercy. Mercy is so vital in the christian life because the danger of forgetting it or even worse forgoing it is detrimental. Someone once told me to preach the gospel to myself once everyday because it reminds you how much you are daily in need of mercy and grace. When you remember that you never deserved any of it you are more likely to generously disperse it. Faithfulness here was defined by someone else as a trust & loyalty that is unswerving. When displayed these two characteristics point to God in a person. Although they aren’t something you can ‘wear,’ these characteristics are important deep down in your soul.
Psalm 25:10 says, “All the paths of the LORD are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies.” Psalm 57:3 says, “He will send from heaven and save me; he will put to shame him who tramples on me, God will send out his steadfast love and his faithfulness.” These two verses remind us that both characteristics are in God; He is full of steadfast love & faithfulness. So when we are displaying these characteristics I believe we are displaying the very image of God.
Proverbs 20:28 says, “Steadfast love and faithfulness preserve the king, and by steadfast love his throne is upheld.” Furthermore, Hosea 4:1-2 is an example of what happens when these two characteristics are MIA indicating how vital they are! “Hear the word of the LORD, O children of Israel, for the LORD has a controversy with the inhabitants of the land. There is no faithfulness or steadfast love, and no knowledge of God in the land; there is swearing, lying, murder, stealing, and committing adultery; they break all bounds, and bloodshed follows bloodshed.”
At the end of the day, I think if there were 100 people in a room and they were asked if they want favor & good success in the sight of God & man that the majority would raise their hand in agreement. I think that these characteristics attract the blessing and favor of God and attract other people like a magnet.
Who is that person for you? The one who has shown you mercy when you most needed it and was a faithful friend when maybe others fled. Didn’t you leave that encounter and say, “I want to be like ________________.” I’ll be honest and say that I don’t always understand super christian guy but I do think the irony of him is that he says he loves Jesus and walks around with a Bible in his hands and a cross around his neck the size of Texas but would he encounter you with steadfast love and faithfulness?! I’m not sure. We know scripture has changed us when it permeates us & when we live out our faith. The world can so use you embodying steadfast love & faithfulness toward others -by grace we go together.
#cupofleadership
in LA i worked with this guy named reggie. he is a quiet guy, but full of wisdom and he loves to laugh. one day i was hanging with another of our co-workers and reggie looked at me and said
‘you know the deal w. (person’s name) right? you buy him as a friend, you buy him as-is.’
to buy something as-is, is to accept the current condition without complaint or appeal to warranty. it’s to purchase something without demanding perfection, since it’s condition undoubtedly includes a few flaws from wear and tear.
we do better when we treat people like that. if you are only in the relationship because of the person you hope they can become or want them to be, you are on a collision course with frustration.
of course we should all be changing and growing, but lots of people aren’t.
if you can’t like + love them right where they are, probably best just to stay away.
book review
the j-curve: dying + rising with jesus in everyday life - paul miller
this book features a fresh construct for processing lifes inevitable difficulties and challenges. if we choose to see our challenges as part of learning to live with christ in his suffering and the power of his resurrection, the setbacks becomes setups for comebacks. rather than moralize seeing joy in difficulty in way that makes the reader feel guilty, paul miller humanizes this pattern of life, making the mindset he emphasizes feel attainable.
if you have become a bit weary of the excessive ends of spectrum in the way christians view pain
1. just close your eyes and pretend it doesn’t hurt, god is sovereign
2. just have more faith and you will win the powerball by easter, god is good.
this book provides a new way. filled with biblical concepts and practical anecdotes, this book helped me.
super christian guy
stuff for you to click on
i am having so much fun with good news weekly video edition … check out episode 4, idk if this is enticing, but i think i am wearing a pretty cool shirt
it’s been a while since a song captured me in such a powerful way .. this chorus is everything i want to say to jesus in 2021