04.17.21 - week 100
‘you know that thing you posted about on instagram?
i remember this one time where you didn’t really live by that.’
one of my oldest + best friends said that to me this week. he wasn’t being harsh per-se, more just thought on how the path i have taken in life has changed me in some pretty dramatic ways. i reflected on it pretty extensively over the last couple days. maybe it will help you … and if not, well this is a free newsletter lol.
i am a ‘good’ guy. in my teens + early 20’s i avoided many of most visible potholes of sin. drinking + drugs + pre-marital sex were things i was able to avoid. that’s not to say i didn’t struggle with pride or anger or lust or impatience, just that by some combination of good parents + a good community + some youthful wisdom i abstained from the dramatic stuff.
but like with many others that share this story, my sin avoidance metastasized into something kinda sinister, a sheen of judgment + expectation that i deserved better outcomes because of my superior choices. this was mostly subconscious, as even seeing those words written now puts a pit of embarrassment in my stomach. it is consistent with the book of proverbs that wise choices lead good places, but to form a perception of personal virtue into an internal cudgel of judgment against the people around you is far from holiness.
this way of thinking made me harsher on people who were struggling and less patient with people trying to figure things out than i should have been. i wasn’t full stop pharisaical or scarlett letter brutal, but i can for sure see how i could have been kinder to people i did ministry with who were walking a difficult path, especially one of their own making.
so how do you proceed into the future graciously once you learn and know how to do better?
have been on the other side of some harshness, having spent 18 months enmeshed in an urban minority community, walking with lots of people going through that mid-late 30’s cycle of disappointment, divorce, and frustration … what do i do now?
last week i started teaching on the story of the good samaritan. focusing on the idea of the lawyer who approaches jesus trying to ‘justify himself,’ i came up with 3 questions that we sometimes ask in situations to avoid seeing others as our neighbor
this was the thing my friend graciously objected to. he told me a story of a time where these ideals weren't lived up to. basically, that he had been down, he felt like i had done this thing i was now preaching against to him.
when confronted with our failures, it’s easy to justify them or come up with reasons why it isn’t fair to be challenged about them.
sounds simple, but i think the only path forward is to:
1. acknowledge you are learning (opening a newsletter that goes to a few thousand people with that admission is probably a decent place to start :)
2. do better from here
2 Peter 3.17-18
You therefore, beloved, knowing this beforehand, take care that you are not carried away with the error of lawless people and lose your own stability.But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen.
KG Korner
(a few wise words from lady kristen macdonald)
Have you learned the ‘never say never’ lesson in your life yet? True story, when I was in high school I said that I would never date Luke MacDonald. My my my, did I ever eat those words and I’m glad I did! When Luke and I were in transition a few years back and he brought up an opportunity that had been presented to him, I laughed to myself and said, ‘that’s never gonna happen!’ Those words I ate too. I’m not sure if I ever said the words, “I’ll never plant a church.” But, over the years I sure have thought them. You can see why I’ve removed the word never from my vocabulary...
Last week, I taught the children in our kid’s ministry about the story you may have heard before with Jesus’ disciple nicknamed ‘doubting Thomas.’ He got this nickname because right after Jesus was resurrected he wasn’t with the disciples but they were in a room together. All of the sudden Jesus shows up in the room and proves to the disciples that he is in fact alive again and showed them his hands and his side as proof! To be fair, we don’t know where Thomas was or what he was doing when he was MIA. He had just lost his dear friend in a really brutal way, we have to remember that his emotions surrounding all that had just happened were real and raw. All that to say, when the disciples saw him later they said to him that they had seen the Lord! But his response in John 20:25 was, “Unless I see in his hands the mark of the nails, and place my finger into the mark of the nails, and place my hand into his side, I will never believe.”
Never say never… I suppose Thomas had to learn the same lesson as you + me.
Here’s the beautiful part of the story. It was eight days after this all occurred and the disciples were together and Thomas was no longer MIA. Jesus came to them, Thomas specifically and told him to put his hands in his wounds and said, “do not disbelieve, but believe.” You can imagine Thomas’ response, “My Lord and my God!”
Thomas, even in his doubt was met with compassion and grace and inevitably truth he could literally touch. In my estimation, Jesus had every right to say, “you idiot?! Why didn’t you believe the rest of the 12?!”
Surely, you’ve met up with this friend named doubt through your life. He likes to make you question, choose fear, cling to uncertainties and make you feel uncomfortable in your own skin. And whether you are right now facing doubt or have in the past, I believe that God meets you in the same way he met Thomas. Jesus didn’t belittle him in his doubt, he personally stands in the gap with your questions and in the midst of relationship and says I see you, I love you and I want you to know the truth.
For most of my life I didn’t deal with doubt. But a few years back I was left with a whole lot of questions and pondering what a good God can allow. I think what I have learned is that sometimes we hold onto our doubt tighter than we hold on to God and it becomes a stronghold that draws us away from him. When we get down to it, I think this story reveals he loves the person even with the BIG DOUBTS. He wants you to bring those things to him so he can show you that even in the wonderings and in the pain there is purpose and his power reigns over even the things you don’t understand quite yet.
#cupofleadership
as we round the bend into the last stretch of the weird COVID era (maybe? hoepfully?) i wonder if some ‘radical acceptance’ might be in order. about your business + family + church + country + fellow believers + political party etc etc.
no amount of wanting or blaming or lamenting can change reality. what is, is. the willingness to embrace it is critical path to current happiness + future success. energy invested in wishing it turned out different is wasted because it allows my mind to wander away from reality into day dreaming.
i am a sinner. nothing can change that, and it can’t be repaired through Jesus without acknowledgment of it. that’s radical acceptance.
our marriage broke.
he failed out of school.
i am bankrupt.
that dream won’t happen the way i thought.
i have gained 20 lbs.
the ability to process reality as it is, without lying to yourself is a learned skill. we can easily come with a hundred justifications or excuses, but those can blind our ability to move forward.
is your gym being closed during COVID a reason you gained that weight? sure, but that doesn’t change the FACT that you did.
what if the next time someone expressed an emotion to you, before you affirm it or try to adjust it, you simply accepted it?
she feels envious/nervous/trapped etc.
when someone is described as a good listener, typically that’s what’s being responded to, they engage without immediate assessment.
when we acknowledge what is whether internally or relationally, propelling towards the target of love is much easier.
book review
the maytrees -annie dillard
i don’t read a lot of fiction and i don’t totally remember how this story found its way to me. i really enjoyed this book. a very unorthodox love story, ‘the maytrees’ tracks a man + woman through a lifetime of love found + lost + found again. the story has vivid characters + lovely prose. there is a realism and honestly often missing in depictions of romance. i particularly enjoyed the way the young love + middle aged love + old love were given distinct but complementary visions.
if you are looking for a vacation read or are into serious fiction, i think this one is worth your time.
#superchristianguy
a substitute cartoon this week … this made me smile
stuff to click on
my message from last week ‘seeking to squirm’ is available on youtube + PODCAST … i hope it blesses you
i have been adding new tunes to my 2021 playlist week by week. if you want some new music, check it out